Well boys and girls it seems highly likely that at some point today Clifton Phifer Lee will become part of the most evil organization in America the World. Thats’s right, Cliff Lee is probably going to be the newest Yankee. The deal supposedly includes the Yanks top prospect, Jesus Montero, and possibly two other prospects and in return the Yanks get Lee. Crap. So if this happens, the Yanks become that much better and easily sport one of the best rotations in baseball. My message to the Phils, WAKE THE FUCK UP!
Hey remember us? Yeah the Phils weren’t the only ones getting injured. We were injured too. With a shit ton of laziness. Seriously. Davefromphilly refused to recape games and danxeno was just himself. But anywhooo we be back. And what better of a time to be back then when half the cot’ damn infield is dead/dying. That’s right. Chase is out for “at least” 8 weeks, so we all know that is no more that 6. Polly is out for a bit more. Hopefully only till he fulfills his DL requirements. Until then a certain Jimmy Rollins has lit a cot’ damn forest fire underneath Wilson Valdez’s ass. Yeah and apparently that is one fucking hot fire (dont excuse my fucking language). Yeah this man has hit one home run in his entire career, in his whole bullshit sucking dick excuse of a major league career, and wait what, the Phillies give him an opportunity to hit not only one, two nor three homers but four. Yeah hows that for equal opportunity employer
Oh yeah so Wilson Valdez has been the super sub, to borrow a soccer term, go germany, for both Chutely and Polly. And apparently he has finally realized he has to both bat for average and hit a shit fuck ton of homers. Phillies fans (the word phans is reserved for people that put penises in their mouth) I think we should get used to hearing the name Wilson Valdez in the starting line up for your beloved Chutley or Polanco. Ok Ok hes not a serious replacement but unless The Man aka Rube wants to make a move for a 2nd baseman, then us Phillies folk should get used to the words Wilson Valdez cranks one to the first row over the left field wall. Not actually getting used to it, but more accepting it. No one expects the Braves to rename their left field corner after him. But for not it’s what we have to deal with.
As for a certain Chase Utley, god damn we are fucked. I mean hey Greg Dobbs. Or if Rube is smart, please let Cody “I hit home runs in the minor leagues” Ransom play third and Wilson Valdez play second. PLEASE RUBE, its all I ask. I neverever ever said anything bad about trading Cliff Lee. Seriously, I understood why you had to do it all along. So all I ask is kill Greg Dobbs, I mean send him back down. He can go be Dom Brown’s bitch for all I care, I just need me another NL Pennant. For your own good and mine, cause they will run you out of town if you dont, figure out a way to dethrone the Braves(surprisingly worst sentence I wrote in this entire post).
Oh yeah, that Dane Sardinha might just be the second greatest Hawaiian to put on the white and red pinstripes? gross having to refer to any Phillies player as having worn pinstripes. Seems the type of thing reserved for faggots from New York. (I apologize to any homosexuals I may have offended) But seriously the man has been killing it. A Panamanian for an Hawaiian may seem like a down grade but apparently I’d be wrong. Hell do not get me wrong. Choochly and Choochust are coming as is Choochtember and Choochtober, the man cannot and WILL NOT be stopped. But until then, we will have to accept the home run hitting Dane Sardinha. And it hurts me just as much as it hurts you to say that.
Oh and if anyone cares, Brian Scheinder tried to be cool and get the same injury as Chase Utley. What a poser. You could have at least punched a baseball to show your disgust at something or had Roy Halladay break your thumb on a perfect pitch.
Ryan “Mad dog” Madson has apparently moved on from kicking shit in the dug out to now actually throwing baseballs. He is ready to return to the team as early as before the All-Star Break. Mad Dog would be a welcomed addition. Seriously Ryan just throw strikes. That’s why we like you. Throw gas, let Bradley try to make people look stupid. We gotta make up for our lacking offense somewhere, and mother fucker if you can come back and show some balls that would be cool. (hey to all our young readers, read that as ” Hey Mr. Madson throw your fastball and strike suckas out, and let Mr. Lidge come in and make people look foolish to win the game.)
“Cliff Lee walked into the visiting clubhouse at Yankee Stadium Thursday morning, stopped at the corner locker with his name and No. 36 above it, and craned his neck to see one of the four HDTVs hanging in the middle of the room.
At that instant, ESPN replayed the ill-fated, headfirst slide in Cincinnati that sent Phillies second baseman Chase Utley to the disabled list.
Ninety minutes later, after some breakfast and a bullpen throwing session, Lee admitted that he still keeps an eye on the Phillies.
“I text with [Jayson] Werth a little bit back and forth just to keep in touch,” Lee said, two days after registering another win against the New York Yankees, the team he beat twice for the Phillies during last year’s World Series. “I ask him how everybody is doing.”
Lee, pitching for the Seattle Mariners after the off-season trade that left him and an entire fan base disappointed, is well aware of how the Phillies are doing these days and he concedes he’s not sure if his presence could alleviate their problems.
“There is no way to know,” he said. “If I’m there, [Jimmy] Rollins probably still gets hurt. Utley is still hurt. It’s hard for that team to be successful without those two guys. [Placido] Polanco, too. They’ve dealt with a lot of injuries.”
The headline: Matsuzaka nearly no-hits the Phils, Boston rolls 5-0
How it went down: Daisuke Matsuzaka took a no-hitter into the eighth inning today, but a soft looper by Juan Castro broke up that bid, and Boston defeated the Phillies today 5-0. Dice-K and Daniel Bard combined for the one-hitter. Matsuzaka struck out five and walked four in his longest start of the year, since beginning the season on the disabled list with a neck strain.
Kyle Kendrick did not make it out of the fifth inning. He went 4 2/3 innings, allowing five runs and eight hits. Boston struck with one run in the fourth inning, and four runs in the following inning.
The Game Ball: Matsuzaka – 8 innings, one hit given up, nuff said.
The headline: Utley, Rollins hit home runs, Contreras eats up the ninth for the save.
How it went down: Raul Ibanez hit an RBI single in the eighth inning to break a 4-4 tie, and end the Cubs four game winning streak and to give the Phillies a 5-4 victory today at Citizen’s Bank Park. The afternoon game also featured home runs from Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley, as well the Cubs’ Kosuke Fukudome, and Derrek Lee.
Joe Blanton pitched seven strong innings, giving up only 3 earned runs and 5 hits, and the home run to Lee. He retired the first 11 batters and did not allow a hit until Alfonso Soriano hit a double to lead off the fifth inning. Starlin Castro hit an RBI single in the following at bat to tie the game at 1-1 in the fifth inning. Blanton left the game with a 4-3 lead going into the 8th inning, but Antonio Bastardo surrendered the home run to Fukudome. Bastardo was immediately pulled from the game and replaced with Danys Baez, who pitched a scoreless 8th inning and earned the win.
The 9th inning was commanded and owned by the newly appointed closer, Jose Contreras. Soriano saw the utter power of Contreras when he faced him to start the 9th. After Soriano fouled off multiple 95 to 97 MPH pitches from Contreras, Contreras did the next big thing in his own opinion. He hit Soriano on the 11th pitch, putting him on first. After Mike Fontenot hit a single to center field, Contreras gathered himself, and struck out Starlin Castro and Aramis Ramirez, and fooling Geovany Soto into fouling out to end the game.
The Game Ball: Contreras, for pitching out of a jam which had runners on 1st and 3rd base with no outs, and striking out two Cubs’ batters in the process.
The headline: Phillies offense comes up stagnant, Moyer takes loss.
How it went down: A night after the Phillies struggled against Pittsburgh’s pitcher Zach Duke, Cubs pitcher Tom Gorzelanny kept them off-balance until he was hit by Carlo Ruiz line drive in the seventh inning. The ball hit Gorzelanny’s left ring finger, forcing him to leave after recording the out to Ruiz. He did receive X-rays after the game, which revealed no broken bones. He had pitched 6 2/3 shutout innings.
Starlin Castro singled in the first run of the game off of Jamie Moyer in the third inning. Jeff Baker added a run in the seventh inning on with RBI single. Chicago also added two runs in the ninth inning on Xavier Nady’s bases-loaded single. All of these runs were scored with two outs.
Jamie Moyer, continuing to defy time and space, had another good outing for the Phillies. He pitched seven innings, allowing two runs on four hits, giving up one walk, and striking out seven, which tied his season high. Placido Polanco scored the only run for the Phillies in the bottom of the eighth, when Ryan Howard grounded out. The Phillies threatened in the bottom of the ninth with runners on first and second with one out. But Cubs closer, Carlos Marmol, struck out Ross Gload and Shane Victorino to end the game.
The Game Ball: Gorzelanny – for throwing 6 2/3 shutout innings and keeping the Phillies offense off-balance for the second straight game.
The Phillies will send Joe Blanton (1-2, 5.49 ERA) to the hill today against the Cubs (Ryan Dempster (2-4, 3.49 ERA)
The headline: Roy Halladay pitches complete game, earns a loss in the process
How it went down: It was one of those nites that the Phillies offense could not muster any hits or runs to support their ace, Harry Leroy Halladay. Halladay was outdueled by Zach Duke, yes, by Zack Duke, who went six strong innings, holding the Phillies to just one run. Duke had won for the first time since April 10.
Juan Castro hit a bases-loaded single to score Ryan Howard in the fifth innings, but Andrew McCutchen kept the game tied by throwing out Jayson Werth at home plate. The play kept the game tied at 1. The Pirates took the lead for good in the sixth on an RBI single by Garrett Jones, scoring Lastings Milledge, who had just beaten a throw home by Werth.
The Stat Lines:
Shane Victorino: 1-4
Placido Polanco: 0-4
Jimmy Rollins: 0-4
Ryan Howard: 3-4, run scored
Jayson Werth: 1-3, walk
Ben Francisco: 0-3
Carlos Ruiz: 0-3
Juan Castro: 1-2, RBI
Roy Halladay: 132 pitches through 9 innings, giving up 2 earned runs, 9 hits and 1 walk, striking out 6.
The Game Ball: Garrett Jones – for singling in the winning run.